


No Voice of Reason (Discontinued for rewrite)

by ParanormalStopSign



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-01-07 21:50:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21224777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParanormalStopSign/pseuds/ParanormalStopSign
Summary: Following the loss of his father, matthew had become quiet. So quiet he was diagnosed mute. And the ptsd he was left with he couldn't cope anymore, and the voices got worse. Only two people were able to crack his hard shell. That was until he was drug out of the house for lunch.[This Version is Discontinued! I will be rewriting it. Same plot, same characters, Same ships, Just rewritten. More info in chapter 3!]





	1. The not so calm before the storm

**Author's Note:**

> This version of the story is discontinued! Read chapter 3 for more info!
> 
> Warning: Future chapters contain mention of suicide, graphic descriptions of nightmares, and will be a slow burn past the beginning of chapter 3.  
It moves fast at first because I had the idea.
> 
> This Story is mostly a vent piece I came up with while in the shower. This is also based off loosely on my expirience with my mental disorders, so if its not accurate, thats because its fiction. I do not mean to glorify anything even if it seems so! I just want to write something that will make my heart hurt.  
So do not read if you're sensitive to that type of stuff!

The teacher droned on about something regarding cells, not that it mattered to Gilbert. Today was an average Wednesday, he went to class, had lunch with his friends Antonio and Francis, along with his dumb cousins, Roderich and Basch. Now he was sitting in his second to last class of the day, Biology. Luckily the teachers pretty chill. He knows Gil doesn’t want to be there and respects it. Honestly everyone wonders how he hasn’t lost his job.

He looked at the ceiling then to the clock, _12:29_. He then looked back down at his notebook which only had a few [crude] drawings of the Prussian eagle, and a couple cats. _H__ow much longer is this god awful class _he thought turning to look out the window. the leaves were already changing, there was even a maple tree shedding its bright red leaves. Each time the wind blew it was like it was like a blizzard of foliage. The Mayor of the town 30 years prior had decided, the best thing for the kids to learn was to add a _as Gilbert would say ‘Fuckton’ of trees._ The mayor had claimed that the extra oxygen would be beneficial to the students but the long wall of pines only made a perfect smoking spot for some of them during lunch.

but the every shedding trees weren't the only thing that caught his attention. It was the spiral notebook on the table next to him. The notes were perfectly color coded and written partially in what he assumed was french, Everything evenly spaced and readable. The hand writing those notes paused for a moment, putting the blue gel pen down before picking up a red one and drawing some examples of cell anatomy, which Gilbert looked up to the white board and saw that they were the same examples, only simplified to be more understandable.

He wandered his eyes back to his own notebook. The only notes on his page was a couple word definitions in his totally-not-perfect handwriting. The rest of the page was filled with scribbles and the aforementioned drawings.

_Who__ is this goody two__-__shoes of a kid and why have i__I__neverseen them before?_ He turned back to his classmate next to him, his eyes following the arm. _That sure is a well loved sweatshirt._ He notioned to himself, moving his eyes up the arm to the face which was covered by a hood and long mop of hair. Gilbert rolled his eyes and turned towards the teacher as he began talking again.

“--That’s all for today, you guys can use the last 7 or so minutes to study, or you can quietly talk amongst each other, but no leaving your desk until the bell rings.” He looked towards to one of the students towards the front of class. “We do not need another incident.” He groaned and walked back to his computer.

The hand Gilbert had been absentmindedly watching jolted back for a moment before setting the pen in a pencil pouch that _definitely_ looked like the Canadian flag. Gilbert looked away quickly trying to avoid suspicion, though kept watch out the corner of his eye. He leaned back, still watching and the person pulled their hood down, revealing the entirety of the mop made of curly, light golden, hair. _I bet its soft. It looks like Ludwigs hair when he was little._

He continued watching, as those hands reached back up to the presumed face, pulling off a pair of large round wire-frame glasses, and setting them on the desk in front of him. The other hand, grabbed a ribbon from inside the pencil pouch. Both hands coming up and pulling the very curly hair back, tying it with the ribbon that was a odd shade of blue.

_Why do I feel like I know him? The hell?_ Gilbert raised his eyebrow turned so he was facing the boy trying to put his glasses back on but the arm was getting stuck in the curls just above his ears.

“Hey kid,” Gilbert spoke up, just below his quiet talking voice, but just above a whisper.

The person froze, sitting back up straight, and looking over eyes wide. _Are his eyes fucking purple? I thought I was the weird one._ Gilbert observed before leaning forward on the desk, resting his elbows on the black surface.

“Woah, I’m not gonna bite you, I just wanted to ask your name.” Gilbert said, trying to ease their discomfort. The kid just threw up what Gilbert assumed were gang signs and fighting language. “Right, I don’t speak turf wars.”

The kid grabbed a second notebook from the backpack next to his feet and turned to a random page before he began writing something in purple ink.

‘I’m sorry I’--’ The last part was quickly jolted away by the sound of the school bell ringing and the kid scrambling to get his stuff in his backpack.

_What’s this kid in such a hurry for? He should feel graced by the presence of the Awesome Me._ Gil laughed internally at his own antics. He went to ask for them to wait by the time he finished laughing at himself, but the kid was long gone. Gilbert just sighed, confused on what the kids deal was. _Oh well_. He thought before getting up to go to his final class of the day. The stupid Geometry class he had put off until the last moment. Too many letters and lines. None of it ever made sense to him.

* * *

Stepping out into the parking lot of the school, Gilbert began looking around trying to remember where his brother had parked their shared Jeep. His eyes skimmed over the rows of cars and lines of buses before stopping on that same red hoodie that had been flooding his mind for the past hour and a half.

He was leaning on the tailgate of some old Ford pickup truck that looked like it hadn’t been washed in years. He was just staring at one of the maple trees that had a nice gradient from red to orange on it.

“Hey kid,” He said for the third time that day. The first time was when some freshman dropped his notebook and he gave it back. _Be nice more often Gil~ _Francis had told him. The target of his questionings head snapped back down looking visibly afraid and panicked again. “Don’t worry, I just wanted to know your name. You didn’t tell me when I asked earlier.”

As Gilbert walked closer, the kid took steps backwards, tripping with a trailer hitch to the shin.

“All I was asking for is your name. Nothing more, nothing less.” Gilbert said with the same voice he would use on his dogs when they were being too excited by him coming home. Calm, but still standing his ground, but not in a bad way. Or at least he hopes.

The kids hands were shaking as he pulled out his phone and began typing away on it. _If he’s trying to ignore me I swear--_ His thoughts were cut off by the phone being held in front of him. He tried to read it but the shaking made it near impossible to read so he reached out and steadied the hand that was holding the phone.

‘I’m sorry, my name is Matthew.’ Gilbert read mouthing the words.

“Well Matthew, my name is Gilbert Beilschmidt. But I’m sure you already know who the awesome me is. It’s nice to meet you.” He proclaimed pointing his thumbs at himself.

Matthew nodded and used one hand to throw up more gang signs.

Gilbert raised an eyebrow. “I really hope you weren’t signaling someone to kill me.”

Matthew cracked a small smile with only his lips before typing away on his phone again. ‘Sorry, no, I see my brother coming, so I need to go now.’ It read.

“Well, have a great day Matthew. I’ll see you around.” Gilbert said turning around only to see his ex-friend Alfred. _That must be why he was familiar. Hes dummkopf Alfreds brother._ He began walking back to his brothers Jeep which was running by now.

Upon approaching the back of the jeep he saw the familiar Brunettes head. His brothers friend. The worlds cutest Italian. He got in the back seat, seeing that his favorite Italian was occupying his seat. He called shotgun that morning! But who could be mad at little Feliciano.

The drive back to the Beilschmidt residence was quiet. Or as quiet as it could be when Feliciano was being a chatterbox. Though he never spoke to Gilbert during that time. Gil left his backpack in the car when he went inside and straight down to his bedroom in the basement, ignoring the calls of his name that was behind him. He flopped on his bed which was covered in clean laundry he had yet to fold and put away.

His mind was flooded by that dummkopf’s brother. Matthew was surely a work of art but would it be fair to go after his sworn enemies brother? When did Alfred even mention he had a brother? Why was Matthew so scared by Gilbert and why was he communicating through the memo on his phone? _Probably has a sore throat with the recent spread of the plague there’s been._ He thought, though there was no actual plague, there was just a bad case of the flu going around the school.

“Brother, please answer when I call for you.” Ludwig said coming down the creaking stairs, snapping Gilbert back to reality again.

“Well good afternoon to you too West.” He retorted rolling over so he was facing the wall.

“Where were you, me and Feliciano were planning on leaving, you were taking so long.” He glared looking at Gilbert.

“I was talking to a friend.”

“Couldn’t you have done it during lunch?” Ludwig asked, crossing his arms. “Or better yet, invite them over if the conversation was going to take that long.”

“Jeez West, I’m sorry. I can’t help I wanted to ask the guy a question and the stupid thing had to make me read his responses through his phone.” Gil snapped back. “Now get out of my room, I am too tired for this.”

Ludwig only huffed before leaving the room. Gilbert heard the hushed sound of Felicianos concerned voice, making out something that sounded like _“Do you know who it was”_.

The sound of a screech shot Gilbert up off his bed. “Oh god, I’m so sorry Gilbird, how could I forget to let out my best little guy.” He spoke softly, opening the door to his little yellow canaries cage. The small bird flying and handing on top of Gilberts nearly white hair, making itself a little makeshift nest. “I knew I could trust you to not get mad at me for being late.”

He said opening up a copy of one of the books he had to read for his English class. He had to read it. That teacher was nearly evil with how strict she was when it came to doing the reading. She said unless you have some sort of special permission you couldn’t even listen to an audiobook for it. He leaned back, setting the book on his face to doze off until his brother came and got him for dinner. Which was a lot quicker than he thought.

The sound of his brother banging on his bedroom door woke him up.

_Great time for a mini war with Granddad._ He thought lifting Gilbird out of his hair and placing him back in his cage.

Once he was back upstairs he walked to the kitchen, where his brother was trying to explain something to a shaken Feliciano. He served himself up some of whatever was cooked. He didn’t care what was for dinner each night. It was a routine. Come home, nap with Gilbird, go have dinner, argue with his Granddad about whatever the Elder wanted, then go back down and go to bed.

Gilbert rolled his eyes and took his plate down to his bedroom and set it on his dresser. He laid back down on his bed, pulling the top sheet on top of him before dozing off again, dinner forgotten.

* * *

Matthew was only able to freeze like a deer in headlights when he saw the albino walk towards him again while he waited for his brother to come unlock the truck. No one ever spoke to him. It was too hard when the person doesn't speak. Of course he had to be awkward as usual and sign Gilberts name. He had only decided to learn sign language this year despite being mute for over 6. And funny enough the part he was having trouble remembering was the alphabet. Though the joke Gilbert had made did make him laugh, he was terrified. _He’__s just gonna hurt you like the others did_ a voice in his head told him. Luckily the hero Alfred had finally come to save the day and unlock the truck.

Matthew slid in through the drivers door to the other side of the bench seat. Alfred climbing in after. The handle on the other door no longer works properly and Alfred refuses to get fixed. The truck roared to life and they were on their way back home. Alfred wanted to press Matthew on why Gilbert was talking to him, but he knew. Matthew wouldn’t talk until he was in his bedroom. _His Sanctuary._

The truck pulled into their driveway. _Man we really need to get this redone._ Matt thought looking at the pothole that was forming in the middle of the driveway. He got out and slung his backpack over his shoulders. Pushing the already unlocked front door open, stepping inside, not even bothering to remove his shoes despite his moms wishes of clean carpet. He began his trek up the stairs to his bedroom. Pushing open the door, hearing the pants of his brother following behind.

Alfred flung himself onto Matthews bed, leaving Matt to close the door. They always went to Matthews room after school to work on homework, seeing as they had the same core classes, only different periods.

“So, uh, Mattie, bro, I got a question for you.” Alfred spoke sitting up and repositioning his glasses. The twins had been blessed with bad eyesight. Alfreds being the worse of the two. Matt only looked towards Alfred in response. “Why were you talking to German Freak at my car?”

Matthew only shrugged. "He was watching me during science and asked my name but I had to leave before I could write it down do he found me after school I guess."

"Oh well be careful. Guys a jackass. He kicked our cousins ass last year. Surprised they're still friends." Alfred said opening a granola bar he found underneath his textbook. Francis, he is their cousin, a damn good one at that but to Alfreds dismay, he is best friends with Gilbert, and on a wonderful snowy day, they got in an all to violent snowball fight, which resulted in Francis having a black eye and Gilbert with a bloody nose.

Matt nodded and opened his textbook.

"Oh and tomorrow I cant bring you home after school, I am meeting up with a classmate to work on a presentation for class." Another nod from Matthew.

That voice in the back of Matt's head kept creeping forward. _D__id he forget to take his pills the night before?_

_ Your brother has found more important duties than you, be grateful. The pain and treacheries you cause him by relying on him will all be gone. He doesn't love you. Neither does your mother, or even that new kid gi--_

The sound of his pencil snapping pulled him from that dark, deep hell, he has to call his mind.

"Bro, are you like, okay?" Alfred asked noticing the atmosphere change.

“Oh, I’m fine.” Matthew said, putting his mask of a smile back on. “Just forgot to take my pills last night. That’s all.”

“Okay, well mom texted me and said she had to go into work for an emergency and she left us cash on the counter. I’m thinking of ordering a cowboy pizza, is that chill?” Alfred asked.

“No, that’s fine Alfreds.” Matthew responded. He wasn’t hungry. Not with the voice in his head whispering things.

Alfred hummed as he grabbed his backpack and slipped into his own room, shutting both doors on his way out and in.

Matt couldn't help but sigh and lay his head down on the desk, closing his eyes, and falling into a fitful sleep. One full of demon tri-headed snakes, chasing him down, telling him the lies hes begun to believe. The ones of his worthlessness.

* * *

Matthew jolted awake. Covered in a thin layer of sweat. Alfred walked into his room, box of pizza in hand, shooing away their large dog, Kumajiro as he tried to close the door behind him.

“Hey bro, are you okay?” He asked sitting back down on the bed.

“Yeah. I..” Matthew sighed. “It’s nothing okay? Don’t tell mom about my behavior. And I’m not hungry tonight. “He said climbing behind Alfred to lay behind him.

“You want me to leave you alone for the night?” Alfred asked innocently.

“Yeah, please.” Matthew whispered, reaching for the pair of pajamas on his pillow. “I think I might call Francis.”

Alfred had stood up and began walking out, while munching on a slice of pizza, at this point. “Why Francis?” He asked.

“I have a question for him, that’s all.” He said. Alfred shrugged his shoulders and left the room. Shutting the door behind him.

Once the door was shut he sent off a text to Francis, right before he began changing into his pajamas.

**>>[MattieMaple] Francis, **

**>>[MattieMaple] ** **C** **an I call you?**

** <<[FrenchTales] Yes, you can, is everything alright?**

Matthew scrolled through his phones contact list to find Francis and pressed call without hesitation. Francis knew that Matthew only called when there was something wrong.

The phones dial tone sounded for what seemed like forever to Matthew. _“’Ello, Matthew is everything alright?” _Francis spoke.

“I need to ask you something.” Matthew whispered, stepping into his closet, hoping that the clothes would soundproof his conversation from Alfreds ears.

_“__Yes, yes, let me, hold on.”_ The sound of ruffling could be heard._ “Sorry, I was in around a few people, you sound worried. What is your question?”_

“So, um, you know, I, uh, well.” Matthew stumbled trying to figure out a non suspicious way to ask. “Well, so, I wanted to ask, about, your friend, um, I, his name was Gilbert I think?”

_“__Oh?”_ Francis gaped. _“And what does mon petit cousin want to know about him?” _The french nickname slipped off his tongue, but Matthew didn’t mind anymore.

“Well, you see, he, uh, I, well he kept asking my name today.” Matthews hands were shaking. “And you know, I had forgotten to take my pills yesterday, and well, I kept hearing things, and oh dear.” He took a deep breath. “Why did he want to know about me, and why was he being nice? What does this mean, oh lord, I’m scared Francis, I really am.”

_“__Matthew, take a deep breath.” _He listened for the sounds of Matthews breathing to go back to normal._ “I can ask him, if that is what you want.”_

“How would you ask? Are you going to text him? Don’t tell him anything about me please, just play it off like, well, um, like you saw him talking to me earlier today.” Matthew spoke quickly.

_“__Mon cher, he’s currently passed out on my bed.” _Francis mentioned. Matthews breathing became quickly._ “Don’t worry, they can’t hear you, I’m in the garage. Have you ate today?”_

Matthew nodded his head. “No.”

A _tsk_ sound came over the line. _“Go downstairs, have a yogurt, then take your pills and go to bed. I want to see you tomorrow morning. Meet me in the courtyard at school?”_

“Okay.” Matthew sighed. “Thank you Francis. Love you.”

_“__You’re welcome. Now go eat and get your pills. I love you too.” _Matthew pressed the end call button. Not wanting anymore panic within him, he put on his hoodie and went to do as his Cousin told him.

* * *

“Gilbert?” Francis walked back to the lump on his bed. “Gilbert , mon amie. Please get up. I want to know why you showed up at my doorstep. I’m not mad, I just want to know.”

Gilbert shook his head. He was laying face down on Francis bed. He got in a fight with his Granddad again, this time, he couldn’t stand being in the same house that night. Luckily for him, the friend he could trust to let him crash for the night, was only a ten minute walk from his house. So he did just that. He packed up Gilbird and his cage, and a duffle bag with a few changes of clothes, and ran away.

“Gilbert, if you won’t tell me why you’re crashing on my bed, can you at least tell me why you were talking to Matthew?” Gilberts head shot up at the mention of Matthew, he glared in Francis’ general direction.

“Why does it matter who I talk to?” He retorted back at Francis.

“Well, he is my cousin, non?” Francis laughed. “I just want to know.”

“Why have I never seen him?” Gilbert sighed his head sinking back into the pillow.

“What do you mea-”

“Mama said I have to leave.” Antonio said peering through the doorway to his friend who was still sulking. “I’ll see you guy’s tomorrow I assume?”

“I won’t be where we usually meet, I have to talk to my cousin before classes start.” Francis responded. “But go, we don’t need your mom killing us again.” Antonio waved, looking at the lifeless lump one more time before leaving.

Francis turned back towards his German friend. “What do you mean? I’m sure you’ve seen him, you share at least half your classes with him. And I’ve brought him with us swimming many times.”

“Yeah, but I thought that was just ‘_Francis’ stupid cousin’_ not _Matthew_.”

“Tell me why you were talking to him, please Gil,” Francis demanded in a softer voice.

“I wanted to know his name. And jeez,” Gilbert rolled onto his back. “Did you know his hair looks so soft, like, I think it’s softer than yours? And I think hes signaling a Whitman to kill me. I’m pretty sure of it.”

“Non. His hair is softer than mine, it has been since we were little. And no, he is not trying to kill you, it’s sign language.”

“Okay well, still. Why do you want to know why I was talking to him?” Gilbert snorted.

“When your cousin calls you hyperventilating and near tears, asking why your best friend talked to him, you get concerned. But between us, you didn’t hear that I told you.” Francis held out his pinkie. A tradition they have done since they were in middle school.

Gilbert laughed and shook pinkies with Francis. “Alright. Well, I guess Ill make my station on your floor for the night.”

Francis shook his head. “No, after last time I learned. I bought a Trundle for when this happened again.” He bent down and pulled a twin mattress from under the bed. “Sleep here.”

And so they went on with their nightly routine. Gilbert slept on the pullout mattress, Francis on the bed, Gilbird in his cage.


	2. Screaming, Hot chocolate, and mud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains graphic nightmare descriptions and lots of sad Matthew. Oh and one very pissed off Lovino.

Looking at his alarm clock Matthew sighed. _4:23. may as well get up now._ He groaned and forced himself up off his bed. It was now Thursday. The wind and rain pounded on his bedroom window, just making him groan as he got up from under his warm comforter. His three year old kitten, Pancake, jumped down from the cat bed on Matthews dresser, climbing onto the bed, rubbing and purring all over Matthews back.

“Good morning Pancake.” He whispered, reaching for his glasses, which were set on his headboard. “Did Alfred remember to feed you and Hero last night?”

Pancake only meowed and purred in response. “Well I guess I may as well get ready for the day.” The small cat cocked its head and went to lay on Matts pillow. From the shadows at the bottom of the bed, another cat jumped up on the bed. “Good morning Hero.” Matthew cooed, scratching the cat who looked exactly like pancake, only Hero’s tail was missing.

As Hero went and laid down next to Pancake, Matthew had gotten up, his bare feet touching the cold carpet of his bedroom. He grabbed his phone from the desk next to his bedroom door, powering it back on.

_ **[MISSED CALLS (2)]** _

_ ** [THREE NEW MESSAGES]** _

Matthew rolled his eyes and threw his phone on his bed before turning to grab clothes from his dresser. He quickly grabbed a random shirt from the dresser, tossing it on the bed next to his phone. Hero quickly decided to turn that shirt into a comfy bed. For pants he settled on the same pants he had worn the day prior. _It’s not like I got anything on them._ He smelled them shrugging before wiggling out of his Pajama pants. The cold air on his thighs was not pleasant first thing in the mornings. He put his sleep pants on the bed, moving Hero from his shirt to them.

“I know, I know.. I’m sorry I have to get dressed.” He replied to the cries coming out of Heros mouth as he was moved.

He finished getting dressed, putting on his beloved red sweatshirt, and some worn out _Vans_. Scratching at his door only made him roll his eyes once more. _ Walk Kuma til 6:00, then make breakfast for Al, then go to school._ He repeated his schedule for the morning to himself. Quite instistant on having a schedule to stick to in the morning.

“Kuma, come on.” He spoke to the dog laying on the rug outside the bathroom door, as he rounded the corner to go downstairs. “It’s time for your walk.” Kuma jumped up and ran past him and down the stairs, nearly falling as he hit the shoe mat at the bottom. Kuma wagged his tail as Matt put on his hat and grabbed the leash from the rack.

Exiting the door, Matt looked at his phone, which he had stuffed in his pocket before leaving his room. _4:49._ He sighed, locking the door behind him, Kuma tugging on the lead, which got a small smile to crack from him.

“Say Kuma, you wanna go to the park for a little bit?” He asked grabbing one of the old chewed up tennis balls from the basket on the porch. Kuma jumped up a little bit at that. “Alright, let’s go.” With that Kuma had darted away, dragging Matthew behind. Matthew loved how eager Kuma was on his morning walks. _Only a few more weeks I’ll be able to do this._ He thought to himself looking at the splotches of frost on the windshields of each car they passed. By this point he and Kuma were running.

Matthews trek was cut short as he slipped on a patch of mud at the entrance to the field. He laughed getting back up, Kuma running back to lick his face. His hand reached for the ball in his pocket, before throwing it, so Kuma would chase that instead of trying to _‘clean’_ him while he got up. Which Kuma clearly chose priority over chasing the ball.

Matt whistled, getting Kumas attention. “Kuma, ball.” He demanded, walking towards the bear looking dog, who just took the ball in his mouth and ran. “Kuma, I swear to god.” His voice was just above a whisper the whole time. He knew that now people would begin getting up to go to work. Kuma dropped the ball and ran in a quick circle as Matt threw it again. They repeated the process at least another 20 times before the alarm on Matthew phone chimed. _5:45. _“Time to go home Kuma.” The dog sat patiently while Matt grabbed his leash and began their trek back home.

_I need to shower, and get changed again. _Matthew reminded himself, looking at the mud now caked on his pant leg. _Al shouldn’t be up for another 15 minutes by the time I get back home, leaving me about 10 to shower before I get to begin his breakfast. Eggs should be okay today? I hope._

He pushed open his front door after unlocking it, and unhooking Kuma. Mud chunks hit the tile floor of the entryway. He made for the stairs, going up, getting to his room. Hero and Pancake hadn’t moved from their spots on the bed, getting a small chuckle from Matt. He watched the cats snore loudly, while he got a fresh pair of clothes out. He then went to the bathroom which sat between the two boy’s rooms.

He turned on the faucet, as hot as it could go. Waiting for the water to steam the room before he changed out of his muddy clothes. Setting his glasses on the counter next to the sink, he took off his mud soaked hoodie. _Well, I guess I’ll have to wear one of my other jackets today. _He moved to his pants, which he now noticed had a big gash in the knee. Once he was shower ready, he turned off the bathroom light, and got in the tub. Letting the scalding water burn his back.

He let the water burn him, still cold from his adventure with Kuma. _Hey, there's a spider on the ceiling above you. _That god awful voice spoke again, that scratchy, unbearable voice.

_ No, there is nothing on the ceiling, you’re lying_. He retorted back to that voice. His eyes wandered up to the dimly lit ceiling, and one may wonder exactly what he was seeing? The snake. The same black and white three headed snake.

_Look at you. _One head whispered. _Pathetic. I don’t even think this one would make a worthy snack._ The one on the other side purred at him.

“GET OUT!” He yelled, slamming his hand behind him to shut the water off, his body tensing at the loss of heat. He sank to the bottom of the tub, wrapping his arms around his knees. _They’re right. I am pathetic. I can’t do anything. Dad left because of me. He favored Alfred over me and I was just in the way all the time. And.. And.._ He sniveled, feeling tears coming on.

“Hey..” There was a knock on the bathroom door. “Bro are you okay in there?” Al asked from the other side of the piece of wood keeping him from the reality of his day.

“Yeah I’m fine.” He croaked. _Just fuckin’ peachy, you go to your friends and have a perfect fucking life, just leave me--_ “I think I am gonna stay home today, I don’t feel very well.”

“Alright well, Mom has a shift at 9. She got home about 10 last night.” He told. “Want me to tell h-”

“No! There's a ten on top of my dresser. Don’t tell her I’m still home.” Panic surged through him. No more shrinks, no more pills. Tired of all the experimenting to try to fix him. It doesn’t work. Nothing ever worked. And he didn’t need anymore pity put on him! Why won’t anyone just let him be. “Go to school. If Francis asked where I am just tell him that I had spiked a small fever.”

“Alright dude. Well I gotta leave in like five minutes and I gotta piss.” Alfred put his hand on the knob. “Is it cool if I take a leak?”

“Whatever, just. Don’t look at me, I’m still naked.” Matt sighed, Alfred opened the door.

“Why is the light off?” He flipped the switch.

“I saw a spider and tried to kill it and turned the light off in the process. Now go and get out.” He demanded, his tone becoming more annoyed with each word. Alfred left without a word, not turning the light off. _Right people usually shower with the light on_. The steam had dissipated by the time he had stood up, seeing himself in the mirror. He swore the mirror had begun cracking when his reflection hit it. Which he quickly grabbed his clothes, wrapping himself in a towel and ducked into his bedroom. Thank god their mom had let them have the bedrooms closest to the bathroom. “_Teenage boys tend to take a while in the morning so why not shorten it by removing the commute. Your father always took 45 minutes to make sure his hair was perfect each morning!”_ his mom had told them upon moving into the new house, back before dad had left them.

He quickly put his pajamas back on, turned the light off, and climbed into the nest he had made in his closet. Just a few blankets, a book, and a flashlight. His nest for days mom was home and he didn’t want to go to school. It’s not like the school would let her know. They never marked him absent or present.

The blankets seemed to mold around him, in a comforting way. Like a hug from an angel or maybe a polar bear. Who knows, polar bears are like aggressive angels in the physical. He melted into the comfort. His mom used to hold him, while she was still in med school, while their dad was still around. _Why does he keep coming back? Why can’t he just fade from my existence? _He curled his fingers around the blanket, until his knuckles were nearly as white as it.

He kept his hand there for who knows how long, just grasping the blanket. He wants the memories to stop. They feel too real. Almost as if he was reliving them. He pulled one of the blankets over his head, trying to get them to leave. The voices, the reminders of what he was. His energy was slowly drained out from his knuckles as he gritted his teeth, falling asleep. When was the last time he had a decent sleep?

_The plane was dark. He couldn’t see anything. A dark glow seemed so far away. Cracks in the ground formed as he stood. _ _Grass. The ground was grass. Muddy grass. _

_A spider hung down in front of him. “My, My, What do we have here?” The spider poke. Its face not visible to the seemingly young Matthew. It lowered itself from the darkness, the light in the distance, lighting its face. The face Matthew has grown to resent. The one that he had. The one that was the cause for all of this mess. No. The cause of the mess was him. No one else. ‘When you point your finger at someone you have three pointing back at you. You can only blame yourself.’ someone had told him somewhere along his life._

_ “Coward.” The spider spat. Venom spitting from its fangs onto Matthews face. Burning him. Only one side of his face though. “You never deserved to have the life we tried to give you. I never wanted you. We only wanted one.” It spoke, venom coming out more potent than the last. “I should have killed you. No one would notice you were gone. Huh. Invisible baby?”_

_ “Oh don’t make that face. You were only put here to taunt me. Remind me of how I fucked up. I only married your mother because she told me she was pregnant. I never loved her. You look exactly like her. So does your brother.” Something moved behind them. Matthew clenched his eyes and fists shut. He felt something warm splatter on his arms. He couldn’t dare look. Not when he was in front of him._

_ He was then lifted in the air. The feeling of grass still on his little feet. “Oh now don’t cry, you know its all the truth. The drunken only speak truth.” The snakes voice came from behind him. _ _He dropped to the ground. “Run, my little prey.” It spoke again. Before Matthew knew it, his feet had taken off in a dead sprint. The ground cracked again, a ravine forming before him. He did the only thing he knew to do._

_ Jump._

_ He jumped as the entirety of the ground disappeared, leaving him to fall._

A jolt sent Matthew sitting up. His hands clutched his chest, his forehead soaked in sweat once more. He let out a groan of relief, knowing he was still alive. _Just a dream._

* * *

Three knocks.

No response. Francis began opening the door. “Stay downstairs. I know where he is.” He told the two boys following him. “If I hear anything from you two you are dead.”

Gilbert and Antonio nodded, following him into the house.

“The living room is over there.” Francis pointed before turning to go up the stairs. He reached the top of the stairs, hearing faint sobbing coming from the end of the hall. He stopped at the final door on the left. Which was left slightly ajar. He stood and leaned against the closet wall. “Matthieu.” He whispered, his french pronunciation prominent.

No response. The sobbing stopped though.

“Matthieu, what happened?” He spoke softly. Going to open the closet door. Revealing a terrified Matthew. “Oh no mon cher, what happened?” He leaned forward to hold his cousin, who began visibly shaking. _No verbal response. As expected when he has a panic._ He rocked his cousin from side to side, hushing, and petting his hair. They had been doing this since _the incident_. “Are you able to speak?”

Matthew shook his head.

“Okay, can you sign?”

Another no.

“Alright, it’s okay. Let’s get you some cleaner clothes.” He helped his cousin up from the nestle of a closet and took him to the bed. “I don’t want to startle you out but,” He started grabbing clothes and looked at the terrified child. “Toni and Gil are downstairs. They insisted on following me to check on you and it’s too cold to leave them outside.” Matthew gave a weary nod. “Let’s get you changed and make you some tea. Do you want me to leave the room while you change?” Matthew nodded again. “Okay, I’ll be in the kitchen making you tea. Or would you rather hot chocolate?” Matthew held up a two. Francis smiled and walked out of the room shutting the door.

Once francis walked past the door frame separating the kitchen from the living room, he instantly got bombarded with questions.

“Is he okay?”

“What happened?”

“Why is there a stain on your shirt?” Antonio had asked that, Francis instantly snapped his head to look at the stain from where Matthew had been crying into.

“Do not speak to him when he first gets down here. He’s like a scared cat.” Francis explained. “And do not question anything. It’s not my place to tell you.” He turned to fill the kettle with water.

Antonio nodded. He was pretty up to date with the whole Williams-Jones drama. Gilbert on the other hand just raised an eyebrow and went back to playing games on his phone. The sound of feet sticking to hardwood was heard from above. Antonio had made himself comfortable at the island counter.

Matthew trudged into the kitchen his messy hair blocking his face. He didn’t want any more people to see his tear stained face.

“Buenos dias Matthew!” Antonio chirped despite the glares being sent his way from Francis.

“I’m almost done with the cocoa. Do you want me to bring it to you when its done.” Matthew shook his head. He didn’t want to burden anyone anymore than he already was.

The silence running between them all was odd. With Gilberts loud mouth, and Antonios tendency to jabber on about nothing, it was too quiet. Matthew jolted when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He peered through his hair to see francis looking down at him.

“It’s okay. Let’s get you settled down on the couch, shall we?” He spoke softly handing Matthew the hot mug. He guided his cousin to the couch. The same one where Gilbert was sitting. Matthew froze when he realized Gilbert was there. “He’s not going to hurt you. He means no harm.”

Matthew slowly lowered himself to the opposite end of the couch. He set the mug down on the coffee table. Which got Francis’ attention since he had been whispering to Antonio.

‘I’m sorry’ he signed.

“Non, non, it’s no problem.” Francis responded out loud.

‘Does he know?’ He signed, then tried to spell Gilbert out but struggled to remember some letters.

“Toni yes, Gilbert no.” He answered.

Gilbert popped his head up. “What do I not know?” He cocked an eyebrow.

“Can I tell him?” Francis asked to the figure slowly becoming one with the couch. A small nod. “Gil, this is my cousin Matthew, you know him yes?”

“Yes, I talked to him yesterday?” Gilbert questioned.

“Yes, and he didn’t talk back?” Gilbert squinted in Francis’ direction. “That’s because he is selective mute.”

Gilberts mouth formed an O. “Oh.” He whispered. “I’m so sorry Matthew.” Antonio raised his brow, the smile he had been wearing dropping. “If I knew I wouldn’t have been so insistent on asking you stuff. I thought you just had a sore throat or something, that’s why you weren’t talking.”

Matthew looked up and just blinked. _He? He’s being nice? Why?_ Antonio and Matthew both thought, though for very different reasons.

“Matt, have you eaten today?” Antonio asked. Matthew shook his head. Francis clicked his tongue. “Shall we take you to the new deli?” The Spaniard stood up from his chair at the dining table.

Matthew nodded. ‘That would be nice.’ He signed towards Francis to translate. ‘I need to go get my wallet.’

“Nonsense. We’ll pay.” Francis spoke strongly. “I’ll get your jacket. Do you know where you put it last?”

‘Kuma made me fall in the mud’ He signed. ‘and I can get it myself, I’m not a child.’ he puffed his cheeks in a bit, with a small smile forming.

“Gilbert, you’re wearing two different ones. Can Matthieu borrow one?”

Gilbert shrugged and took the outer layer off. A black zip up hoodie with some bands logo stitched on either side of the zipper, ultimately splitting the image in half. He handed it to Matthew who took it with shaking hands.

“Aye, kid. I won’t bite.” He said earning a smack on the back of the head, which made Matthew let out a hard sigh. His version of a laugh without making noise.

They then shuffled out of the house, loading into Antonios old Honda. Matthew got the front seat, Antonio driving, and the other two shoved in the back seat.

“I need to go pick up Lovi since were going to that deli. I promised him I would take him the next time I went.” Antonio said turning out of the driveway towards the school.

The drive went quickly. Gilbert reaching up front to play with the radio, Antonio just smiling absentmindedly, and Francis leaning forward to ask Matt if he was okay every so often. When the got to the school, a very angry looking Lovino was standing outside. He was then ushered into the middle seat of the back, nearly shouting profanities about being in the cold, being stuffed between two ‘bastards’, and how he wasn’t in the front seat like normal. Which made Matthew curse himself for agreeing to go along, and made Francis panic knowing it was one of Matts triggers.

“Lovino, please calm down.” Francis whispered.

“No. I do not approve of being shoved between Sweaty potato bastard and you.” He near-shouted once more.

Matthew tapped Antonio on the shoulder and made a gesture like he was going to puke, which got him to pull over to a nearby side street. Once the car was stopped Matthew got out and ran about twenty feet from the car before he collapsed onto his knees curling into the position schools tell you to do when there’s an earthquake.

_He’s going to kill me. My father was right. I am just a disappointment. There will never be approval from anyone. I could walk home from here right? I think its about an hour walk. It’s raining though. And I have Gilberts hoodie. Oh I need to give it back before I go home. I need to tell francis to go on without me, I need to get away, oh god. _His mind screamed.

“Hey kid.” Gilbert said softly walking up to Matthew. Matthew quickly pulled off the jacket handed it towards Gilbert. “No, you need it more than I do today. Francis told me to check on you--” A loud shout came from inside the car, making Matthew stand up and run a bit further away, the jacket been discarded on the sidewalk. Gilbert sighed and picked up the jacket, slinging it over his shoulder, before walking towards Matthew.

Matthew sat on an electrical box that was on the side of the sidewalk. “Matthew. Can.. Can you look at me for a second.” Gilbert spoke, getting Matthew to look up. “Stand up please,” He looked into Matthews scared eyes.

Gilbert stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Matthew. “You look like you need a hug.” He whispered strengthening his grip around the blonde in his arms. Matthew took the comfort. _It’s been years since I’ve allowed someone to hug me._ He wrapped his arms around Gilbert. _He’s so warm._ Gilbert pulled back, looking at Matthews, _totally purple_ eyes.

“Come on. It looks like crabby won and is sitting in the front. I can have Francis sit in the middle since you trust him.” Gilbert gave him a gentle smile as he pulled back. Putting his hands on each of Matthews biceps.

Matthew nodded and walked towards the car. Gilbert was right. Lovino was in the front seat, arms crossed, face red. Francis was still sitting in the back, eyes glazed over with defeat.

“Francis, middle.” Gilbert said, opening the other side of the car. Matthew waved his hand and climbed in before Gil. Sitting in the middle.

While Matt was busy trying to buckle the seat belt, Francis sent Gil a confused look. Gilbert just shook his head in response.

The air was thick in the car with Lovinos constant scowl. Which made the ride to the deli eerily long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the snake that is chasing him in most of his nightmares/visions is inspired by the worm/snake from beetlejuice, but not exactly like that. And Alfred and Matthews moms name is Marianne, I love her, shes a southern belle with bright red hair and blue eyes. OH AND the band logo on Gilberts hoodie is inspired by the Hollywood Undead logo.  
Also: The town that theyre in does not exist. Its loosely inspired by the town I currently reside in. I imagine they live in either Washington or Oregon. Somewhere cold. Or possibly Michigan. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Please leave kudos and comment your opinion so far. You don't have to of course just, it'd be nice.


	3. Discontinued Please read

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story will be rewritten in a better way please read this chapter to find out why and where to read the new one!

Hello readers.  
I have been thinking in the past few weeks while trying to write the original chapter 3 and I have decided that the reason ive been having a hard time writing it is I WAS WRITING IT WRONG THE WHOLE TIME.

I realize the plot was moving way too fast for how my idea wanted to play out and the characters weren't quite how I see them.  
So I will be rewriting this story, likely under a different title (this titles a bit much) but it will be the same plot.   
Matthew will still be mute, Gilbert will still be a goof, and the other characters will be there too in a better written way.  
So consider this version of the story a preview/short hand of it. 

Thanks for any support given. I will add a link to the new version in the end notes as soon as chapter one is posted which will be sometime before the new year.  
[posted November 20 2019]

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading so far!
> 
> My socials are  
IG @ Inkorrow  
Tumblr @ ParanormalStopSign


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